To my great surprise, these small studies rose up and out from the sea as if they were a field of daisies, violets, bluebells and bellflowers. It made a magnificent 'bloom' last night, but for some reason I almost resisted going out to work. I had been in the studio in the afternoon and found myself full of doubts about the motif.
"What more I can I possibly generate from this motif anyway?"
It may have been precipitated by a remark a friend had made earlier in the day when he said,
"You should move on from these little paintings and work on your big ones."
I knew he liked the things done in the studio much more than I was doing at the beach. And who was he anyway to be telling me anything? At the time I was not really bothered by the remark except that I had had a difficult session on the night prior, one which without words, pretty much told me the very same thing. It's one thing when some else makes a critical remark about your work (or life), but another thing altogether when your own work speaks directly to you through itself! Ha ha.
But in the end, all I needed was a great session, an evening 'bloom', blushing wildly for me alone to replenish my curiosity anew for the motif. After all, it is for me alone, and similar to this diary, maybe the results will please others, but the pleasure of ‘doing’ is all mine, mine alone.
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