(circa 2017)
I stumbled upon these early paintings last week when I opened up an old hard drive. I had thought that much of what I did at the beginning of this series wasn't very good. But I wasn't too fazed because I imagined that eventually I would get somewhere if I persevered, and so I continued. But seeing some of these today surprised me for several reasons. The main one is that I had forgotten just how raw and 'expressionistic' they were. I had not been working from a motif for several years prior to this series at Brunswick Heads and I was out of practice. I had forgotten how to see.
In a sense, I attacked the motif with a very different feeling than I do now, for better or worse. I reacted to the motif more with my gut than my eyes. And because of it, they seem to me now much less picturesque, for lack of a better word. And yet, they too, are still 'seen', which is to say that there was a vision somewhere during the painting process.
The first picture directly below is probably the best example of what I am trying to express in words. It has 'Nature' in it but it requires a leap of faith at the same time.
It is a graphic interpretation from the gut, and of the gut, as if I were somehow painting what goes on under the surface of the motif. But now, on the other hand, I seem to be painting the very skin of the motif, the sexy light-filled surface of sensuality.
Thus, the work being done four years later is different, something I regret a little because I really like these older things despite their flaws. I see in them something primal and a little 'animal', and there is a raw feeling in them which is sometimes lacking in the present work.
(circa 2018)
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